Thursday, 3 November 2011

french kissing... this wouldn't happen in germany that's for damn sure.

My friend Pip is awesome. Her workplace is insane.
I imagine her office to be a bit like melrose place, or some other such place with a soft focus lens and a lot of lingering looks where everyone parades around kissing each other's partners' dead wives' AA sponsor and then spreading rumours and threatening to kill someone else, before popping out for some Botox at lunch. or something.
One time Pip was the victim of a 'phone-hacking' type hoax which led her to believe that her boss was leaving work to join the circus; a rumour which Pip believed (and when she explains the lengths they went to, to convince her... i sort of understand) and retold to clients. oh. awkward.

Working in a, sadly, less-than-scandalous workplace... i rely on Pip to provide a daily update on her office gossip. Last week she came home with a BRILLIANT story involving a girl at her work, Anna, who had recently been on a date with a french man.

Unfortunately their date was not all baguettes, fake moustaches and champagne; but rather a date where she drove him on an 8hour round trip to another village (oh england and your villages, you so crazy.) which... apparently wasn't the greatest.

Alas, their love didn't blossom but the following email trail MORE than makes up for the lack of baguettes and fake moustaches in my life...

For anyone who's ever had a bad date... xoxo

From: frenchman
To: anna
Subject: finito!
Date: Wed, 26 Oct 2011 09:52:56 +0000
done with your book! Fab. Sorry it took long. Lots of self reflection. Will start war and peace soon. Will hand it over when we next catch up. Will be around as usual. We can just regroup s/where centrally. Have you had the chance to progress mine at all? 
I have also calculated the cost of petrol for the northfolk trip- your share is about £15. I took your trip to weybridge into consideration. 

Catch you later. 

From: anna
To: frenchman
Subject: RE: finito!
Date: Thu, 27 Oct 2011 12:41:22 +0100
Glad you enjoyed the book! I'm afraid I haven't been able to finish yours' but thanks for lending it to me.  I'm afraid I am very time-poor, heading back to Oxfordshire every weekend for various family reasons and working until 9 pm most nights which is pretty tough. Please send me your postal address and I can pop it in the post for you.

Re: fuel charge, In my mind the fact that I bought and cooked dinner the night before we went to Norfolk and the emotional toll of driving for 8 hours in one day rather offsets the cost of the fuel in my mind, but if you are serious about it, then I'm sure I can sacrifice Tolstoy and you can keep it as compensation.

From: frenchman
To: anna
Subject: RE: finito!
Date: Thu, 27 Oct 2011 12:14:39 +0000
hello you....

tks for the news! Looks like you have lots on your plate at the moment... Hope nothing too serious with Oxfordshire? All's hectic his end... As always!

I'll be popping in in central london tomorrow late morning, and at some point over next week as well. Suggest I stop by your work, so I can collect the book and the monies? An enveloppe by reception will do if you cant come down... I am aware and grateful you cooked dinner, though i am afraid it doesnt quite cover the petrol charges at all going to Nortfolk. The trip was mutually agreed, you decided to take part of it, and hopefully somehow enjoyed as well! Suffice to say that this isn't really open to negotiation to be honest... 

Anyways, let me know whether tomorrow works, and i'll make sure to bring Tolstoy as well. 

Thank you.

From: frenchman
To: anna
Subject: FW: finito!
Date: Thu, 27 Oct 2011 20:32:53 +0000

me again..... Gentle reminder, can you please make sure you get the book and monies for tomorrow? Will stop by 1pm or so. Very hectic my end as well, and this has been dragging on for a month now. Partly my fault, i admit, i took some time to read resurrection. 

Anyways, dont work too late, and let me know for tomorrow- dont forget!


And then, then, he ROCKED UP at the office, where she had left an envelope of fake money with reception (!!!!) ... and he REFUSED TO LEAVE!!
just, wow.
(and i thought the fact my office is getting a new revolving door was awesome...)


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