Thursday, 29 September 2011

indian summer?

As excited as I pretended to be for Autumn, it pleases me no end that summer appears to be back in L-town. At the risk of being a traitor to the title of (and thus, sole purpose for) this blog… I adore summer (adawe. ha. indeed.) sunshine and lollipops and st-tropez build a tan… what more could a gal want?!*

This week was so sunny that I went to the outdoor theatre and stood up. Yes. Stood. For the entire 3 hour play, I stood up. It was a novelty to be so shakesperean...for the first 5minutes, but then I was tragically aware that I am not able to stand up for 3 hours. It was a poor display of standing ability. I may have been yelled at by 2 separate workers for leaning (read 'trying to lounge on') various parts of the stage. 

So, after that, louise and i sat in the sun with a bunch of fabulous gay men and an uber skinny dog which made me miss my boys and Stonewall more than I thought possible (the gay men part, not the dog part made this realisation… just to be clear.) and also made me decide that next on my list of things-to-do is to recruit a gang worthy of dusting off my hag status. yep.

This week I also went to a fashion show where the MC's pants were splitting and she couldn't do up her top. She was the epitome of class, it's amazing that the-beast-that-is elle mcpherson, allows her to be a judge on her show about models in the UK. tyra wouldn't stand for that. oh no. As such, i am adding 'ensure pants do not split' to my list of things-to do

Which brings me to the updated list 
1. The gay gang thing. 
2. The pant splitting thing. Perhaps a worthy addition would be to add in that if in fact my pants do split (which is highly likely given current heathrow injection status…) that it would be quite a fancy lady thing to own a sewing kit. I think Pip has a sewing kit… which I guess is understandable given how awesomely prepared she was when we had the mouse issue. Yes. A sewing kit is on the list.
3. See Pete more than once every 5 years. The last time Louie and I saw pete, I had crazily white hair and louise was into neck sucking. This time around we have less pimples and less men-dramas… and pete has the best apartment I ever did see. Complete with colour coordinated books and chairs that he had custom made. Pete is a fancy man. I hope there are more neck sucking events to be had soon. 
4. Perhaps work on my standing-for-3-hours at a time ability… although, I cannot fathom an occasion that calls for this - unless I guess you were a professional sign holder or maybe one of those statue people who paint themselves silver or look like Jesus. Sadly** I am not in the exciting world of professional standing… so, maybe I will not complete #4. winner!

I hope the weather is equally as nice in Munich, where we are heading tomorrow for Oktoberfest (nice seguay dawe.) weeeeeeee!

*answer: a horse, a brownie sundae and to be Blake lively.
** even sadder, i work for a bank. 

Saturday, 24 September 2011


Happy Birthday James!!

James was my first friend when I moved to Sydney, and even though he left me for a man (and thus created my ongoing paranoia that my men will leave me for my gay housemates...) is one of my greatest friends of all time. and today... today, he is 28!!! whooooop!!

My birthday wishes for you this year are:
1. Fame. obviously. in the form of a talk show where you get to sit in a giant blue armchair wearing velvet and glitter while giving your opinions and ranting about whether there are enough sultanas in sultana bran these days. and i will call in sick lots of days to watch you on television. oh the fun it will be.
2. an inside toilet.
3. a trip to London to visit me. asap.
4. love, flowers, glitter and loads of cake and champagne.

I hope your 28th birthday is full of awesome-ness and love.

Happy Birthday James, i love you xoxo

Wednesday, 21 September 2011

hanging with mav & goose

One of the best things about living in a big bad city is that there is ALWAYS something going on. it's almost exhausting, to the point that a night spent watching true blood is a night away from a gazillion cool fun things that maybe you'll never get to do again. pressure. indeed. aaargh!

As kewl kids of Shoreditch, we obviously know about things like Future Cinema. Yep. They "specialise in bringing events to life through a unique fusion of film, improvised performances, detailed design and interactive multimedia..." which, obviously means awesome. And, for us meant arriving at Canary Wharf on a crisp Sunday arvo to find the whole shebang recreated to be 1986 Top Gun Academy. It was epic. They had the the volleyball courts (i read somewhere they shipped in 79 tonnes of sand. woah), the locker-rooms, the karaoke bars (and we'd all had to learn the words to "You've Lost that Loving Feeling" beforehand which was belted out through the day) and all the trimmings of a Californian fair ground to boot. You could even get a buzz cut there. by a man dressed in a Navy outfit. winning.

There were hundreds of actors who'd do little performances and just be all Top Gun-y all day before eventually showing the movie to the full 4000 people. Yes. 4000. I'm beginning to realise that london is not small. not small at all.

Our Graduation instructions...

Men look better when dressed for Top Gun. Fact.

When it got dark and they eventually played the movie, and Goose died... the whole 'cast'
did a full Navy-style funeral procession complete with crying Meg Ryan. Gosh.

Want more?? Some dude's video of the day:

Epic day out. Well played London xoxo

hello autumn

Autumn, as in real Autumn (not a sydney autumn, which you only notice because mary-the-cleaner-who-stole-my-shoes spent more of her time sweeping leaves than assorting the cutlery into neat little piles. oh mary, i miss you.) seems pretty cool. It means you can wear CAPES. Yes indeed. capes with little bows and little slits for your hands to go through (in a much more little red riding hood salute than a superman tribute... which actually also might be kewl - and fit in well in shoreditch i'd imagine) i have such cape now, and i wore it on saturday to much acclaim.* 

Things I am looking forward to about Autumn:
1. wearing my new loafers. with socks. cause if you can't do it in autumn in london, when can you? i do hope there are pretty leaves in london to stomp around in. 
2. wearing my new brimmed red hat a la J-Lo circa 2001 (gosh.) which i am justifying wearing as 'very autumn' yes. (the fact that it is also 'very kim kardashian' is irrelevant here, thank you.)
3. mittens. what fun it would be to have mittens. ha. mittens.
4. baking pies... i assume that is what one does in autumn, wearing capes and mittens and having rosy cheeks... that sort of thing. 
5. i also imagine there is lots of hot chocolates. and i like hot chocolates. excellent.

Autumn is also the time for oktoberfest, thankgiving (they do that here, right?) and halloween. oh halloween, you are my favourite holiday. with no brechney backyard to hooch around in, this year i will have to throw my own rival party. i hope allie comes dressed as a man again.

Autumn is a strange word to look at. Which I have obviously done too much of in the last 10mins. The m and the n are very offputting being so close to one another, but i still like it... so far xoxo

*self acclaim.

Sunday, 18 September 2011

Endless summer...

For the last year, I've had an ongoing glorious summer (well, except for the week i spent in New York in March which was so cold my toes nearly fell off* and i was forced* to buy a beautiful DVF coat which, actually, might come in handy in my new life... cost per wear? DOWN! but i digress...) full of sunshine, lollipops and all things lovely and warm.

And now that I have settled* in London, the Big Chill is coming. oh yes. This scares me for a number of reasons:
1. The last time i lived in a cold place (canada, in 2005) i put on 7kg of blubber, most of which appeared to be on my face. i was a winner.
2. I own 1000 short skirts and not a single pair of trousers. sad, but true. My winter-dressing skills are limited to putting tights under summer dresses and then rushing to the car and back. This doesn't fill me with confidence.
3. I lost my umbrella on the bus a few weeks ago and have not replaced it.

So, I have decided to win at winter. oh yes. I am going to actively seek out ways to make winter awesome. 

The finale to my summer was spent in Lagos, Portugal: where the sun is always* shining.
It's lovely there: full of sunshine and beach parties where the bouncers yell at you if you dare try to swim in the pool in your underwear, even though it says 'Pool Party' in big letters on the sign. hissss. So... I will start this blog the way I intend to finish it... with the beach.

*may not be entirely true.

Goodbye summer. I will always love you. xoxo

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